For the last week I've been thinking about this girl I have been getting to know at the church I attend. She's a nice girl, very spiritual and LOVES the fact that she is a blissful Susie Homemaker. However, whenever we talk about everyday situations that go wrong in some way her phrase of choice is always, "I'd be SO offended" or "don't you find that so offensive?!". I started paying more attention to when she says this and I started to realize, no matter how spiritual she believes she is and follows what the church teaches her, she's judging people in majority of situations and I don't think she even realizes it. For example, here is a brief part of a conversation we had just a few weeks ago... (she was out to eat with her fam at a sit down restaurant)
girl: "the waitress didn't even smile at us"
me: "maybe she was having a bad night"
girl: "doesn't matter, a smile is so small and it brings big tips, she should know that"
me: "yeah, but she could have had a lot on her mind and it just wasn't her day"
girl: "still doesn't matter, it's her job and it totally offended me"
This girl was judging this poor waitress without even knowing WHY she was not all smiles. I think before we go spattin' our mouths off about all the things in life that offend us, we need to check ourselves first. We need to ask ourselves, "am I really offended or am I judging them?". We have no right to judge others when we are all in this world together trying to get through it the best we know how at the present time. Life will always have ups and downs and ebbs and flows but just because someone didn't say a "thank you" or notice your art work on the wall doesn't give you the right to be offended until you check yourself first.
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3 comments:
There's a great talk by Bruce C. Hafen called "Love is not Blind: Faith and Ambiguity" that addresses this issue very well I think. Here's a little snippet of it: "A second group at level one has quite a different problem with the gap between what is and what ought to be. Those in this category eliminate the frustration created as they sense a distance between the real and the ideal in their world by, in effect, erasing the inner circle of reality. They cling to the ideal so singlemindedly that they are able to avoid feeling the pain that would come from facing the truth about themselves, others, or the world around them. One of the problems experienced by those in this group is that they seem unable to distinguish between imperfections that matter a great deal and those that may not matter so much." It's a great talk and it really helped me in dealing with some people in the Church. You can find it on the internet.
Very well said Erin. I'm now struggling with if I should tell her what I think or not though. I'm not one to really hold back but she seems really fragile and I may end up hurting her. Maybe I'll just bite my tongue a little longer till it passes.
I agree, that's a great quote.
I read this and felt sorry for your friend that she seems to be looking to be offended. What a waste of time and energy! i would be saying "give them the benefit of the doubt" over and over if I were hanging out with her!
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